It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize