Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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