I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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