I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
