I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
