he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
