i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
