It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
