it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
