Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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