He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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