Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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