if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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