I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
