nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
