remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
