Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i would one night stand the shit outta him
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
