I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
