i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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