based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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