Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Can I color on your dick again?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
