So drunk its hurt
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
