my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
