I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Nicole vs. Life
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
