Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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