Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
All I want is dick and wine.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
