she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
