I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
