i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
