I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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