As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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