Pregnant stripper...not hot.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
