remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize