it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
