Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
