don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
