well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
