I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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