I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
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