if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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