so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
