There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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