tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
