You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
