So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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