So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
