Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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