The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
