in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
