Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Randomize
