look no pants
I met the friendliest cop last night
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
