In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
