Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
