I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My ass is underappreciated
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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