I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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