his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
