just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
