wakey wakey hands off snakey
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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