PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
