Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
