How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
