a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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