Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you traded sex for a burrito?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
