I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
