They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
