i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
