So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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