Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
