Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
